That Butler: Vain Hope
by PerfectImpersonation
Summary: "Everything is like falling snow, disappearing before you can savour it" He had formed that contract out of interest and hunger, nothing more and nothing complex. Why then, is it that despair and sadness now plague him? Why is it, that Sebastian is now haunted by the cursed emotion humans affectionatly named 'love? SebastianxCiel


**Disclaimer: **None of the characters or settings used in this fanfiction are my own creation. All belong to Yana Toboso and her brilliant mind. Also, the base for this story is taken from the end of the Kuroshitsuji red valentine event, so again, not mine. I merely developed on the speech used, and brought out a story for it.

**That butler, vain hope**

**By PerfctImpersonation**

* * *

_What is snow? H2O. Two parts hydrogen, to each one part oxygen. Individual water molecules melding together to create a hexagonal lattice. Sub-zero temperature's attempt to further the growth of the five-fold symmetrical crystals falling… Is it five-fold? Maybe more. Six. What is snow? Tiny frozen raindrops… No, they aren't frozen raindrops, their elaborate designs bear to much intricacy to be mere drops of water. They form… how do they form? When water vapour freezes directly to ice within a cloud. _

_What are clouds? Products of the water cycle. Formed when water evaporates. They gather more vaporised water within the cycle, eventually turning a murky grey, before falling back down as condensed droplets… Water…_

_What is water? Hydrogen. Oxygen. The same basic fundamentals as snow. _

_Which came first? _

Sebastian shook his head, a sign passing through his lips.

_These irrelevant trivial facts serve only as a distraction._

It was snowing outside. The white dust-like flakes were the up-start of the previous trivia fest. It fell, like browning leaves in the autumn, or cherry-blossom petals in the spring. It gathered, like grass blowing in a hay field, the swirling, fluttering motion mimicking that of a birds' feathers. It settled, like creamy gauze adorning the windowpane, or white ivy scaling the walls. It fell, it gathered, it settled, and it utterly repulsed Sebastian.

The world always looks cleaner with snow. Not at all like a blanket. But like a white mirror, reflecting the light from the windows, up to the skies until it's as pure as the snow itself. The mirror-like surface served a reminder, a notice of sorts. Sebastian was a demon, clad in black and exiled to the shadows, forever shunned and degraded by some and hated by most. The bland, gentle snow never failed to bring to mind the life he once had, and the impurity he now bared.

Although, for all its crispy perfection and glistening light, snow is entirely inconsistent. It never bares the light it reflects, and never covers anything completely. Nothing can be truly extinguished by the snow, and, to some extent, Sebastian was thankful for that.

At the present time, he was in the kitchen, flitting round like a humming bird, whispering nonsense to himself. He wasn't insane though; demons were uncommonly driven to insanity. He was bored. Bored and lonely. Two emotions that should be void in the heart of a demon, yet, there they were, their presence persistent and numbing. It was times like these, times that used to be fleeting, yet now come in rapid succession of each other, that Sebastian realized he missed the servants of the Phantomhive Manor.

He missed Meyrin's mistakes with the china plates; he missed Finny's poor attempts at gardening, and missed Bard's fatalities in the kitchen.

Because, however irritating and juvenile they were, they did provide a mild amusement, and gave him another reason to work. It also gave a fascinating snapshot of human life. Never before had he been forced into living with three utterly mad, entirely clumsy, and endearingly cheerful people. He would be loath to admit it, but Sebastian had become rather fond of his three 'companions'.

After a minute, the demon ceased his skittish movement, and headed over to the oven. A thick glove newly adorning his hand, Sebastian opened the large metal door and reached in, pulling out a heated tray. Setting it down on the table, he turned towards the many cupboards situated near him.

The homely smell of cinnamon, ginger and roasted nuts filled the room, the pudding in the centre expelling the frosty air, and bringing an atmosphere of joy and togetherness. After finding all that he needed, Sebastian returned to the table, setting down everything he previously cradled in his arms. One bowl of pre-prepared icing, six cherries for decoration, a small teaspoon of lemon zest, and a few holly leaves. The icing came first, the butler spreading the creamy liquid over the rusty brown treat, careful not to over-spread or create uneven lumps. Next came the cherries, each one placed opposite to each other circling the base. Then the zest, sprinkled carefully over the top, sinking into the icing, and falling among the cherries. And last of all, the holly leaves were sat perfectly on-top of the whole master-piece, bringing yet more character to the already lively treat.

_Yes, a perfect Christmas pudding. The young master would be proud._ Sebastian stood back, eyes glancing over all that he'd achieved. A small smile graced his lips. _What I long way I've come since my first attempt._

And it was true. Upon first trying the human novelty they called 'food', Sebastian had failed beyond imagination, causing Ciel to shout at him and order him to repeat the whole process until his expectations were met. The butler's smile grew, the memory one of the few he would hold a fondness towards.

Ciel's little, cherubic face glaring at him from his seat, a childish pout forcing his young masters tiny mouth outwards. Oh, how he had loved that expression. It spoke volumes about the Earl Phantomhive, and stayed with him always; it depicted a childish young boy, then a demanding young master, and finally, a bossy young man.

All of a sudden, a gust of wind picked up, thrusting snow towards a crestfallen Sebastian and his work. Sighing, the demon's eyes rolled towards the wall, or rather, _lack_ of wall. Where the outside wall should have been, only emptiness lay. The hole exposed was big enough to fit at least three humans through at once, and tall enough that it cut slightly into the ceiling. Sebastian's gaze slid back to the Christmas pudding, eyeing the already cooling desert.

"Ah… Not going well." He placed his hands on the table, transferring some of his weight onto his arms, and leaning down slightly. His head fell forwards, causing rebellious strands of glossy black hair to slip from their place behind his ears. That hole needed to be fixed soon. But… what was the point? Was there a good enough reason to do so now?

"How can I be so foolish?" _How could I be so foolish?_ Doing all this work, preparing such a perfect snack, was it necessary? In truth, it was just as necessary as fixing the wall.

His gaze slid back to the pudding, steam slowly rising from it as it cooled. _Ciel would have loved_ _that._ And it was true; his greedy master would have eaten the whole thing in under a minute. But, that was one of the things Sebastian loved about him, another trait that would always and forever be his Ciel_. His _Ciel… when had _that_ developed?

It was then Sebastian realized just how protective he had been of his master; he would have done anything to ensure his safety.

_Because of the contract. _

Was that the only reason? The demon frowned, _was _it?

"Over the past years… Just because of these old habits, I can't help myself..." It had been so long now, so long since… since a mistake was made. A fatal decision that cannot be reversed, and will not change, no matter how long he waits.

Laughter bubbled from his throat. It wasn't a pleasing sound though, nothing like birdsong in the morning…_When the young master would have been woken…_ Nothing like real laughter… _On the rare occasion _he_ was happy_…

No, it wasn't a pleasing sound; it was a disgusting, vile mockery of a laugh, much like a broken gramophone, or an un-tuned violin.

Another gust of wind flew past; bring yet more snow to cover the kitchen. Lifting his hands off the table, Sebastian brushed the intruding snow off of the pudding, some of the white flakes melting into the warm icing.

"There's already no need to make these things…" The smile Sebastian previously wore vanished; disappeared as fast as the melting snow. An ear-shattering smash resonated through the room, and out the window.

A shaky sigh blew past the butler's lips, puffing into a tiny cloud of breath, then dispersing into the cold December air. On the table now sat a broken plate, a bloodied glove, and a ruined pudding. The chips of the china plate lay strewn over the wood, some larger parts sticking up into the sticky mess it once held. One of Sebastian's all important gloves sat next to it, crimson drops adorned it, standing stark against the white material.

And the Christmas pudding… well, it was beyond un-edible now. The icing, so lovingly made, was now splattered over the table, floor, and the demon himself. The cherries had rolled away, some sticking to the desert still, and others slowing making tracks on the floor. Sebastian eyed the mess once more, before turning away. He didn't move from his spot by the table though, merely swivelled on his heel to gaze at the hole in the wall. _This manor, my home for the past years… _What was there to say? Everything _had_ been said, and anything unspoken had been left unsaid for a reason. _Why_ had he become so attached to this place? What was is about this country manor that bore so much perfection? Or, at the very least, it held a high standard of perfection before…

"I… currently have no manor to protect." Not anymore. It's as good as rubble. Rubble housing a disgusting, tainted creature. His hand travelled downwards, slowly searching for the pocket he knew he would find. That hand froze however, as it was met with an empty feeling. On his waistcoat, in the pocket on the right, a pocket watch used to reside. Yet, upon patting that very same pocket, nothing but air and thick, british material could be felt.

_Ah, yes…_

"I lost the pocket watch… Lost everything." _Absolutely _everything. Everything, including that one thing, that one _person_ that meant the world to him.

"100 years used to disperse in the blink of an eye, but now it seems the period of a day can span centuries." Since when had he become so sentimental? So human. Sentimentality, and the need to protect something, were such human desires. Demons such as he needed no such thing. They only sought to protect their food, their _meal._ And even then, if it became a bore, they would leave.

The wind was blowing again, snow gusting in in a blizzard of creamy fluff. The Christmas pudding was forgotten now, already partially hidden beneath a small mountain of snow.

"White neck." White as untouched snow.

"Nails like cherry-shells." Stem-less cherries on the ground.

"Ankles fit-able in the palm of a hand." Small and fragile, like branches of holly leaves.

"Everything… Like falling snow, disappearing before you can savour it." His master had always reminded him of the snow. There were the obvious reasons, like his creamy, pale skin, and his frosty attitude. But, the reason Sebastian picked out the most was Ciel's inconsistency. He disappeared and reappeared as fast and as often as the winter snow. His smile vanished at will, and only returned if his was in a cold, unforgiving state of mind. Yes, his master only smiled at the misfortune of others, at the falling of the things humans called 'hero's'.

That thought re-awoke memories, brought forth images of Ciel in the town house, frowning at some incredulous thing Soma exclaimed. Of Ciel laughing at the misfortune of the circus children, at their home, desiccated and destroyed. Of Ciel playing the violin, of the dainty way he held the bow, or the beautiful melodies he produced.

_All of that was so long ago._

Sebastian shook his head, and walked towards the door and picked his coat off of the coat peg. Donning it, he took one final glance at the Phantomhive manor. The crunch of snow under-foot was the only sound that could be heard in the house of Phantomhive, as its butler, the last servant, the last inhabitant, left.

Beneath the crunch of snow, and the whistle of the wind, a low, whispering voice could be caught. Its monotonous syllables rising above the surrounding noise…

"I am a lonely demon."

* * *

28/06/12

So thoughts? If you don't understand what's going on, here is my interpretation:

Sebastian has consumed Ciel's soul, but has been unable to leave earth, deciding he missed his young master after all. He has been living in the Phantomhive manor for quite some time now, yet still makes all Ciel's favourite snacks. At the end, he finally gives up, and leaves.

It's so sad!

If you want to feel the full effect, watch the end of the Kuroshitsuji red valentine event. The main bit is so funny, but the last section with Sebastian is heart-breaking!

Thanks for reading, and review if you can, it's much appreciated. ^_^


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